What went wrong?
We would less than human if we did not try to allocate blame for the breakdown of a marriage, whether that blame is directed at your former spouse or towards yourself.
It is natural to ask What went wrong? How could he/she do this to me? What have I done to deserve this? Or to say, I have been so stupid, I should have seen it coming as soon as he volunteered to stay at home with the baby sitter while I went to dinner with his boss and his wife on my own etc.
But seriously, there are rarely simple or straight forward responses to these types of questions or statements.
Instead of giving yourself a hard time about things it may be more helpful to ask yourself some of the following:
What attracted you to each other when you first met?
What were the good things about your relationship?
When did you realise and begin to acknowledge that things between you had changed to such a degree that you had begun to drift away from each other?
What influence did external circumstances have upon your relationship – maybe your job meant that you had to relocate when your spouse was not happy to do so.
What influence did the birth of your children have upon your relationship?
Maybe your sex life took a downturn. When and why?
Why weren’t we been able to resolve our differences?
Why did he/she feel that they had to have an affair?
Why didn’t we talk more?
I should have told him/her I loathed The Red Hot Chilli Peppers.
You may not like the answers, but anything that gives you an insight into how your relationship went pear shaped has to be a good thing and will help you to progress with your life.
Being totally honest about your own short-comings as well as those of your former marriage partner is essential if you are going to avoid making the same mistakes again.